How to See, Know, and Value: The Forgotten Skills No One Taught You

We all want to feel seen. We want to be known. And we long to feel genuinely valued in our work. These aren’t just emotions—they’re skills. And the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can begin practicing them with intention.

That’s right. Seeing, knowing, and valuing are learned behaviors, not just things that happen to you. They are the foundational practices that lead to what I call career belonging—the ability to show up in your professional life with authenticity, clarity, and connection and feel accepted in your career without conforming to the expectations of others.

But before the world can see, know, and value you, you have to do that for yourself first.

Let me show you what I mean—with a little magic.

Imagine walking into a theater where you’re asked to choose a card that completes the sentence, “I am…” The options: “I am a misfit,” “I am a healer,” “I am a creator,” “I am a memento.”

That’s how Derek DelGaudio begins his off-Broadway show In & Of Itself, a performance that blends magic with profound human insight. As the show unfolds, he unpacks identity—his own, and ours—with story, illusion, and metaphor. He shows us how labels shape our sense of self, and how easily we believe what others see in us.

The climax is unforgettable. One by one, he calls on audience members and speaks aloud the exact identity they chose at the start. “You are a dreamer.” “You are a protector.” It’s uncanny. People cry—not because of the trick, but because someone saw them clearly.

That’s the power of being seen.

And you can learn that kind of magic, too.

Learning to See

I studied visual and critical studies in art school, and one of the first things I was taught was: don’t trust your eyes. Seeing is never passive. It’s a process of interpretation, shaped by emotion, context, and power.

Art critics like James Elkins and John Berger taught me that what we “see” reflects as much about us as it does about the object. In your career, this means you must examine the ways you see yourself and how others see you—and whether those perceptions are distorted by bias or assumption.

How to build your seeing muscle:

• Question the surface. Don’t accept what’s visible as the full story—whether it’s your reflection or a colleague’s presentation.

• Understand context. Perception shifts depending on setting. A leader in one environment may be invisible in another.

• Recognize power dynamics. What traits are rewarded in your workplace? Are you being seen through someone else’s lens of success?

• Practice curiosity. Instead of judgment, ask: What else might be influencing what I see?

Seeing is active. It requires critical awareness, empathy, and attention. When you learn to truly see, you don’t just observe—you understand.

Learning to Know

Knowing is more than collecting data. It’s about recognizing patterns, emotions, motivations. Think about what it takes to really know someone at work—or to be known.

You’re known not just by your résumé, but by how you show up. How you handle stress. The way you make others feel. Your presence becomes your reputation.

How to build your knowing muscle:

• Pay attention to your presence. How do people respond to you? What’s the energy you bring into a room?

• Listen to how you’re described. What are the recurring words? Do they align with how you want to be known?

• Be consistent. Your patterns of behavior shape how people understand you.

• Create meaningful moments. Small gestures—like remembering someone’s birthday or encouraging a colleague—go further than grand achievements.

As Brené Brown reminds us, being known starts with vulnerability. When you share your authentic self, you invite deeper trust—and build true professional relationships.

Learning to Value

This is the hardest skill to master—because it requires us to undo years of conditioning. We’ve been taught to measure value through productivity, performance, perfection. But valuing means honoring worth—ours and others'—beyond output.

Carl Rogers called this unconditional positive regard. It means seeing yourself and others as worthy, period. Not because you hit a target, not because you got promoted, but because you exist.

How to build your valuing muscle:

• Start with self-compassion. Talk to yourself like someone you care about.

• Appreciate the intangibles. Emotional labor, collaboration, thoughtfulness—these count, even if they’re not on a KPI sheet.

• Practice gratitude. Say thank you—to others and to yourself. Often.

• Challenge invisibility. Ask: Whose contributions are going unseen here? What about mine? Then name them.

Valuing is how you give dignity and recognition. It changes how teams work. It changes how you feel in your own skin.

From Learning to Living

These three skills—seeing, knowing, valuing—are not one-and-done. They’re daily practices. They shape how you move through your career and how you relate to others in the workplace.

And when you commit to learning them, you unlock something powerful: you stop waiting to be validated by external systems and start affirming your own identity and impact from within.

That’s the foundation of career belonging.

So now I ask you:

• What’s one way you can see yourself more clearly this week?

• What’s one thing you want to be known for?

• What’s one way you can value your own contribution—regardless of the outcome?

Practice these skills and watch what unfolds. Because when you see, know, and value yourself, the world can’t help but do the same.

REFERENCES

Berger, J. (1972). Ways of seeing. BBC/Penguin Books.

Elkins, J. (1996). The object stares back: On the nature of seeing. Simon & Schuster.

Derek Delgaudio performance https://www.pastemagazine.com/movies/hulu/in-and-of-itself-derek-delgaudio-magic-trick 

Grant, A. M. (2013). Give and take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success.

Brown, B. (2015). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Penguin.